First, I go home to Michigan in August to celebrate the occasion, and I get berated and ganged-up on by my best friend and my sisters and my mom about "not having enough TIME at the venue," and "let's create a time line to see if 8 hours will work for everything that has to be done," and "oh my GAWD you're doing everything YOURSELF, are you CRAZY? Tell Pete he has to hire a wedding planner, he has to cater the food, you can't do all that YOURSELF!" etc. etc. etc. etc.....
Then, there was the Journey concert, just Pete and I driving 3 hours one-way to get there, and on the way home while I'm still buzzing from the natural high I felt during the concert, he decides that we should have some kind of pre-nuptial agreement because he doesn't want to inherit my student loan payments....talk about a buzz kill....I cried the rest of the way home in silence, because I felt very devastated about the whole thing, thinking we should just call it off, and I'm not WORTH getting married to because I have this student loan NOOSE around my neck, and I KNEW things wouldn't work out, how could I be so stupid to believe that something GOOD would ever happen to me, and I should be ashamed of myself for thinking that any man out there would want ME....I'm just never going to be GOOD ENOUGH for anybody.
And for the past couple of months, both of my sisters have started to gently prod and nag at me about inviting our dad to the wedding. One sister, who lives in England, finds that it would be much easier on HER if he were here in Pittsburgh, rather than flying to both PA and to Michigan to see him. The other sister doesn't like talking to me about him because we disagree so much about everything, so she just avoids it mostly, but feels that I should invite him too.
I've written a long email to them both, explaining my perceptions and feelings (which really amount to a whole lotta apathy towards him), and the reasons why I do not want him there.
All I'm gonna say is this....
1. Regarding time at the venue....our wedding ceremony is going to be short, sweet & to the point, less than a half hour, because neither one of us wants a long droning on mess to stand in the heat of July in our hot wedding costumes, when there's a pool nearby, and a honeymoon to go on shortly afterwards. THAT is where we are spending the majority of our money, NOT on the wedding and reception. We want to get the hell OUT of there as soon as we can, so eight hours WILL BE SUFFICIENT for the venue, no matter what, because that is what we WANT.
2. Pre-nuptial agreements are great for some people, but if the reason is a student loan, which is under MY social security number, and under MY name, then the spouse has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, and does NOT have to "inherit" it if I die. I called to check on this, just to ease my own mind, but I wish Pete would have consulted his lawyer buddies to find that out BEFORE mentioning it to me at all. Now I worry that this whole thing will fall apart at some point, and I hadn't thought of that possibility at all until he mentioned this idea. Now I have a fear that I carry around, wondering if I'm really going to get to the altar or not, or will something bad happen to ruin it all...
3. As for my dad, and my sisters, they have a great relationship with him and I would never begrudge them for it, and in fact, sometimes feel envious of them because of it. But I am 20 years BEYOND having a dialogue with him, so he's a total stranger to me, and we never got along when I did know him as a child, so I feel nothing but apathy towards this stranger, and I feel no need at all to invite him to my wedding. He forfeited all rights to being included in my life and my world when I was 22 years old. I'm not suffering from ANY delusions of having a "Hallmark" moment where he hugs me and all is well again, and we have a happy ending. That is simply never going to happen. I wish I could say it would be a nice thing if it did, but honestly I know the reality of it would only mean more grief than it would be worth at this point. So my sisters will simply have to RESPECT MY DECISION AND ACCEPT IT, even if it's a flawed perception on my part, even if it's not what THEY want, and even if it's not what HE wants. I'm not spending my life "pleasing the daddy" anymore, as I spent most of my childhood trying to do. I am only concerned right now with pleasing PETE, my future husband.
And so, this wedding drama can just STOP right now, because I have had enough. This is MY day, and I will be HAPPY on my day, even if it kills me, because dammit, I've been alone all my life for over 40 years, struggling, having nothing but problems and hardships, and BY GOD it's DUE TIME I got some happiness out of this life, at least for one damned DAY.
I will HAVE that one damned day of happiness, with or without anybody else but Pete to share it with. If we have to elope, to escape the "he said she said bullshit," then so be it. I'm ready.
Love, Becky
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