Pete and I just got back from seeing a movie, having a nice dinner, and visiting the new house. We figured out a better way to get the 26 foot moving truck up this steep hill and so that we can get our items out easier than the regular way of just going up the driveway, so I think it should work out just fine. We paid our last month's rent here at the home we currently live in, for the month of February. Our move-in date is March 14/15 at the new house, so it's only 6 weeks from today!
The film we just saw was something neither of us expected, in fact, it was awesome. Go see the movie THE READER, with Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes....(he's one of my all-time favorite actors, by the way--and if you haven't seen him in "Wuthering Heights," oh my GAWD he was sexy as hell in that, and, well, being the English major I am, I've always loved the character of Heathcliff anyway)...and when I worked at the Holocaust Museum, one of my coworkers actually spent a whole day with him on the set of Schindler's List when it was being filmed, and she was telling me all about him and the conversations they had, he's quite an intelligent man and very soft-spoken, mature, and she loved every minute of the time she spent with him. I can see why, when you go see this movie.
Pete wanted to see the "Frost/Nixon" movie, but ya know, Tricky Dick is in the dirt and I really was too young to give a crap anyway, so I wasn't too enthused, other than to learn about some history---which 9 times out of 10 in Hollywood, is skewed, so really what truth would I have gained from it anyway?---and I wanted to go see "Defiance," because it's a true story of some Jewish Partisan fighters during the Holocaust, and when I worked at the Museum, the Chairman was Miles Lerman, (he's since passed away), who happened to be one of those Partisans. I worked with Miles every day, talked to him, got to know him, and I developed a very profound and deep respect for him and all that he'd seen and lived through. But, Pete didn't really have much enthusiasm to see that one, even though the same dude who is in the newest 007 film is the lead character in Defiance too. (I didn't care for the newest 007 film, I liked 007 better when he was a womanizing egomaniac who cracked some jokes along the way and didn't take himself so seriously. This new guy is a downer).
Well, so this film, THE READER, was sort of the happy medium "we don't know what the heck it's about really, but what the heck" kind of choice. I knew that it had something to do with Kate Winslet's character being some kind of Holocaust victim or something, but I didn't know the whole plot or anything. I don't want to give away the details, but I cried like a blubbering fool and it opened up an entirely brand new perspective for me, after spending my whole life studying the Holocaust and hanging out with Jews, and Holocaust Survivors, etc., I kinda consider myself pseudo-Jewish in some ways...at the very least, though I am not an official member of the "club," I do have a very deep respect and even share in many of the same beliefs of Judaism, so I keep a menorrah in addition to a Xmas tree that has beach-themed ornaments, because I don't like the traditional Xmas stuff, I reject Santa, I'm not really a fan of the red and green colors, (I prefer blue and silver), nor the whole bunch of materialistic crap that goes with it. So, while I'm not officially Jewish myself, I do FEEL in my heart and soul that I am Jewish.
So when this film showed me a whole different perspective, I never thought I could feel any compassion for a Nazi who worked in the concentration camps. I mean, all my life, having studied this history, seen documentaries galore, spent time with Survivors, immersing myself in the Museum and everything I could get my hands on for so many years, it never ONCE occurred to me that maybe some of those people who worked in the camps, actually DID have a conscience, actually DID feel the same "survivors guilt" that the Jewish Survivors feel...this film showed me some of what I already knew---forgiveness is different from reconciliation, they are two totally different things, and Pete said, "Forgiveness is something you can do towards someone, even if they don't know about it, nor do they ever need to know, it's for your own personal way of letting it go, moving on, and letting the conflict rest in your heart, which is a very personal and intimate thing that nobody else has to understand." Whereas, reconciliation means you have a two-party discussion, understanding, mutual forgiveness, and continuation of the relationship. Which one, then, (this film presents the question) is more difficult?
Interestingly, Sydney Pollack, the film's producer, (and also a Jew), recently passed away. This was his last film. Did he present this perspective to introduce the idea of forgiveness and reconciliation from the Jews towards the Nazi oppressors who tore their families apart during the Holocaust and committed unspeakable atrocities towards them in the camps? This is huge, if that was indeed his intention. I just wish he could have lived long enough to see how this film affected the Jewish community, and if these questions of morality were welcomed or criticized.
I can tell you from my own experience in talking with Survivors, and one person actually said this to me, and I quote, "I don't care if a handful of former Nazis walked in the doors of this Museum with fifty billion dollars to donate and give to each and every one of us Survivors, I wouldn't take a DIME from them." In the thoughts of the Survivors I knew, no amount of money could EVER make up for what happened to them, nor were they willing to allow any absolution to occur for those Nazis and the German government by just throwing money at them. In fact, to many Survivors, that was the biggest insult you could ever give them.
Now, you might also remember about 8-10 years ago, the huge hullaballoo about "reparations" from the German government to the Jewish family members of those who perished during the Holocaust----there were a lot of people who needed that money to continue living the rest of their lives, sure, and I do not want to minimize that need on their parts at all by saying this---but what you don't hear much about is what I learned while working at the Museum, and that is, there were also a lot of Jewish people who REFUSED to accept ANY reparations from the German government for what they endured.
So in the film, when the plot reveals Kate Winslet's character's past, and what happens when she comes to terms with it in prison, she leaves a bunch of money to the daughter of one of the victims, inside an old tea-tin that she carried around everywhere. That tea-tin, which to any ordinary person means nothing, was the ONLY thing the daughter accepted---she refused the money---and the only reason she accepted the tea tin was because while she was in the camps, she kept all of her valuables inside one just like it, but it had been stolen. She then set the tea tin on top of her desk, next to a black and white 1940's family photo of, presumably, those family members she lost during the Holocaust. All she has left, is a lousy old tea-tin.
And oh my GAWD....I cried like a baby at that point, AND at the point where the Ralph Fiennes character travels to Auschwitz to see it for himself----there was no dialogue---not even much sound or music or anything at all, just SILENCE while he was there, and while he walked through the warehouse full of shoes...and the barracks with the wooden slatted beds of straw....and then he walked into the showers...and then to the ovens. I sat there blubbering like a friggin' idiot at this movie, because I have so much empathy towards these Survivors I knew and loved and worked with every day....I mean, go take a look at my favorite Survivor friend that I love like she's my own grandmother----go to www.google.com, and type in NESSE GODIN...she is a volunteer at the Museum every Wednesday, and she calls me her "daughter," because she says I look very similar to her own daughter, and she always gave me big bear hugs and told me so much about her life and what she endured....in fact, she took me on a personalized tour of the Museum, telling me about her experience, and I cried the entire time.
In fact, one of the best/worst days of my entire LIFE was when, 3 months into working at this Museum, I felt happy and enthused and honored to be able to work there----but the bubble burst one day when I walked towards the Museum and saw, on the newspaper boxes in front of it, that someone had painted swastikas all over it----and suddenly I felt like somebody had kicked me in the gut, I doubled over in pain and couldn't breathe----because at that point, it was like a voice from above whispered in my ear, "You wouldn't have a job if it weren't for Adolf Hitler."
The whole day, I was sick in the bathroom, crying and nauseous, dry-heaving and upset beyond all upset, realizing that Hitler paid my rent, my car payment, the food in my fridge, everything I had....was because this man is STILL creating jobs, 65 years after his cowardly suicide. The Museum wouldn't BE there, if it weren't for him. It has nearly 800 employees, many of whom are Jewish. This is the biggest irony of the whole 6 years I worked there. At this point, I realized the magnitude of my responsibility to teach about this history, and it consumed me.
We had a party for Nesse one day at the Museum, because she had just finished earning her GED high school diploma....she was 73 then. She said, "One is never too old to learn!" And as I hugged her, congratulated her, and said, "I'm so glad that you're enjoying this happy occasion!", she took me aside in total seriousness, and said to me, "My daughter, I smile during this party because those who give me this party want me to be happy, and I want them to feel good...but the truth is, for Survivors, there IS no happy occasion EVER anymore, because we feel sadness that our family members are not there with us to celebrate and enjoy the occasion. Weddings, new babies, bar mitzvahs, all of those things we do have, sure, but there is a bittersweetness to them, we feel guilty that we are the only ones left to enjoy them, we mourn those in our families that we want to bring back so they can smile too, and laugh, and enjoy life like we are...but it is very, very difficult for us to enjoy parties such as this."
I'll never forget Nesse and the lessons she taught me. I learned more from her, and my other "peeps" at the Museum than I ever learned from any textbook, teacher, college course, or parent. I learned more about life and the world and about being Jewish from them, than I ever could if I had worked anywhere else. I miss working at that Museum more than I can even convey to you. It haunts me all the time, I think about it every day, I even dream about walking through those halls like I did every day...I loved that Museum with all my heart and soul. It is my biggest regret in life, that I was forced to resign....I never wanted to resign. It kills me.
Nesse's life story, briefly, is that she was 12 years old when she witnessed the Nazis shoot her father, then they took her mother & brothers away, they were all separated, and she was sent to 4 different death camps and endured a death march before being liberated at the age of 16. She was very nearly sent to the gas chambers upon arrival, because anyone under the age of 16 was exterminated right away, but some women in the camp took her under their wing and told her to stand up tall, pinch her cheeks, and lie about her age. So she told them she was 16 years old, when she was only 12. She lived. The good news about Nesse's story is that, after the war ended, she was reunited with her mother and brothers. Most Survivors were not reunited with anyone. They had no homes to go home to, so the word "liberation" really did NOT mean "freedom," to them at all, it just meant to them, "total nothingness." They had to start over brand new, many lived in Displaced Persons camps, with no money, no jobs, no belongings, no family, no friends...and no hope for the future.
So this film really sparked a lot of things inside me, and I just wanted to say, "if you get the chance to go see it, please go see it."
Anyway, I'm off to bed, but I feel a profound awareness now, of what made some of those "good German citizens" do what they did, and I have never felt any compassion for them before. I guess in order to balm the wounds of the Holocaust, you also have to feel compassion for all who were involved, not just the Jews. This is a difficult thing to do, but this film introduces the concept very loud and clear, and I think if Sydney Pollack had lived long enough, he would have felt very proud of this film. Now I have to go see "Defiance." I want so much to teach about the Holocaust....I just feel that nobody will let me....that is, I'm not Jewish, so the Jewish community thinks, "MEH, we can do that ourselves..." and the Christian community thinks, "MEH, we've heard that story way too much, and she's not even Jewish." So, I'm stuck in the middle without any way of doing what my life's purpose is. Welcome to my angst.
Love, Becky
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