In 4.5 hours, I will be in the hospital, getting prepped for my biopsy. Keep in mind, this was my very FIRST mammogram EVER, so I have NO CLUE what all this stuff is all about yet. I mean, I understand that they found a blueberry-sized lump in my right breast, okay fine, but why can't they just suck the whole thing OUTTA ME rather than just a tiny piece of it, to see what it is?! I just don't want the damned thing IN there, ya know? Even if it's nothing major, I want it OUT.
Anyway, so they have to p;ut me in one of those horrendous hospital gowns, take my blood pressure and all that jazz, then they will numb my entire chest area and give me a massive dose of Nocacane, so I'll be zonked completely during the procedure. Haleluyah for THAT at least.
I was told I could eat a light breakfast, and I can take all of my pills except the pancreas pill that I have just been prescribed. They kept asking me stuff like, "Are you taking any blood thinners?" which I am not, but then the one question that's got me sitting here at 2:30 in the morning was, "Do you have a LIVING WILL?" I just sat there silenced by that for a moment, going, "How many women have DIED from doing a biopsy?!" I don't have a Living Will. I don't have any KIND of will. I'm only FORTY ONE YEARS OLD for cripes' sake!!
So now I am a bit nervous, as you might expect.
Pete is taking me to the hospital and will stay with me the whole time, which will hopefully keep me from hyperventilating or having a panic attack. The whole thing should be done by noon, they said. I don't know why sucking a piece of a lump outta me would take FIVE HOURS but okay, if that's what they say, there's not much I can do about it.
So......let's see......I don't know if this would be considered a "legal" will or not, but let me just jot down for shits and giggles, the following, for what it's worth.....
1. I don't own much of anything.
2. My car has about 80,000 miles on it, so whoever wants it, enjoy. My first thought was, "Give it to my best friend Laurie's daughter, Emily, who just turned 18 years old." The birthday card I sent her was joking about how I could only afford to give her a CARD, not a CAR for her 18th birthday, so I figure that would be poetic justice to die and leave her my car, so that's probably what should occur if I do croak today.
3. My dog means everything to me. I would assume that I would give the dog to Pete & Nathan to take care of, they love her almost as much as me and I know she is happy living here with them too. If they cannot or do not want to inherit Sassy, then they should probably give her to my sister in Michigan, Tammy, so that her two boys can romp and play with her in their huge backyard. Just keep the cat away from her, that's all I ask, that cat attacked her once.
4. Let's see......I've got a book in the process of being published right now. I don't know that it would ever be WORTH anything, but after I croak I would like to see it get published, and about 20 copies sent to the Volunteer/Survivor Department at the Holocaust Museum in DC. Send about 10 copies to the Visitor Services Department, and the rest you can sell anywhere you so desire. I would assume that Pete would take over that project, to make it happen. Also, please send one to Miep Gies for me. Some of the proceeds, maybe 25%, should go directly to the Museum as a donation in my name, 25% should go to the Anne Frank Center in NY, as a donation in my name, and please give the young son of Stephen T. Johns some of the money too. That amount can be decided by Pete, but no less than 10%. The rest, Pete can divide or keep as he sees fit.
5. I have a buttload of "Journey junk" sitting in a large plastic bin down in the basement. I have collected this stuff since I was 10 years old and first fell in love with Journey & Steve Perry, so there is a LOT of stuff in there, it's heavy as hell. I know that my best friend Laurie's son, Noah, is ga-ga over Journey right now, so he might appreciate some, or all, of it. Otherwise, I guess you could sell it on E-bay or something. I don't know anybody else out there who would want or appreciate it. I just know that I love every little thing that is in that plastic bin. So whoever gets it, please take very good care of it for me.
6. I have furniture, but obviously I don't really care who gets it. You can all divide it up amongst yourselves or donate it to Goodwill. My clothes, the same.
7. I do have some gemstones that I meant to put into rings and/or necklaces someday, but I don't expect that they are worth a whole lot, I got them at an auction in Michigan once. I suppose I should leave those to my mom, and sisters, to divide amongst themselves. I know my mom would really like the red ruby, and Catie would probably love the green emerald. I don't know which one Tammy would like, but there are several nice ones to choose from, so enjoy. Oh, and please also give Florence Hoch a choice of a couple gemstones, too. She deserves them.
8. My web site, Tolerance4Kids.com, should probably go to Pete, since he knows how to do all that stuff, but if he doesn't want it then he can either delete it or donate it to the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, or to the Facing History organization in California. I don't think that the Holocaust Museum in DC would be interested in it, they already have a web site for high school kids. That web site was my baby, and I hope it has done some good in this world.
9. I don't own any real jewelry, so there's nothing much to do with all that, you can divide it up between Laurie, my mom and sisters, if they want any of it.
10. I can't think of anything else. You can probably just donate all my books to a local library or sell them on e-bay if you want to, donate some money to the Southern Poverty Law Center in Mobile Alabama though, if you do sell them. I love that organization for all the great work they do to combat hate groups across the U.S. and internationally.
I don't know how much money is in my bank account, but Pete has access to that, and has my permission to take it out and keep it. There wasn't much but I doubt my family would fight over it anyway. I wish I could say I had a college fund set up for my nephews and Laurie's kids, but I don't. They can have some photos of me if they want, but the majority of those should go to my family. Of course Pete can have some too, I would want him to remember me. I love the big lug.
Also, please give Laurie Lowder, Annette Espinoza, Barbara Rance and Melva June Solon some photos of me, and copies of my book too. I don't know what else I could leave to them, but they are my best friends in the whole world and I love them all very much. I want them to have something. If they want something from my Journey collection, that is fine too, or jewelry, or clothes, etc.
Oh, and if anything SHOULD go wrong with these procedures, please don't hook me up to any damned machines, I don't want to rot away in any hospital bed. That would totally suck. Just let me fade into oblivion, and make sure you put a very nice photo of me on my gravestone. I don't wish to be cremated or anything like that, but you can put me in a cemetery in Michigan where my grandmother is buried if you like, or by my grandfather if there is room.
That's all I can think of. I should probably get to bed, but there ya go, there is my "will."
Love, Becky p;s. Gruesome maybe, but it got me spinning into a panic, so there ya go.
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