And 70 years ago, a young 12 year old girl named Nesse Godin, someone I know and love very dearly, witnessed HER father shot and killed in front of her, by a Nazi officer....all because of the hatred of a total stranger.
Nothing in this world has changed in 70 years.
Hatred is eternal. THAT is what devastates me most.
Can you imagine how devastated Nesse must feel? To know that, every Wednesday she goes to volunteer at the Holocaust Museum, to relive her own horrific experiences of being separated from her mother and two brothers, sent to 4 concentration camps, sorting through the shoes of all the victims sent to the ovens, wondering every day for four long years, "is this her mother's shoe," "is this her brother's shoe..." and then barely surviving a death march, finally to be liberated at age 16....and after several years, finally reunited with her mother and two brothers....for that, she was one of the few lucky ones. But all her life, she carries around the horror of watching a total stranger shoot her father in cold blood, for no good reason. And then to re-live that horror over and over again every time she sets foot in that Museum....
Only to make it to 81 years old and realize that hatred is eternal, and nothing in this world will ever change. Can you imagine the devastation SHE must feel?
I can.
An 11 year old boy whose father was buried today must now go through the same hell she did. He may not be sent to a concentration camp, but his hell will be within, which is often worse. He'll relive it all his life. He'll never understand why a total stranger would kill his father. The pain and suffering of his young life will haunt him until he's an old man. And nothing will change. Others will die for no reason, or for hatred, by total strangers, every day.
And the worst thing, for me, is that on 9/11, I drove home to Michigan because my mother was missing on a flight to Florida, and we didn't know where she was. I spent 12 hours driving and crying in my car alone, planning her funeral, not knowing if she was alive or dead, thinking she might have been hijacked like those other planes......and I realized with the worst kick in my gut----even worse than realizing I wouldn't have had a JOB if it weren't for Adolf Hitler (and THAT one was a doozy, let me tell you)---I realized that, I had just done exactly what all those other "good German citizens" did to the Jews in their own neighborhoods during WWII. I turned my back on them when they needed me most. I ran away with my tail between my legs, and I never ever said goodbye. I deserted them during their time of need.
And this is exactly how I feel right now, too, knowing I wasn't there to help Nesse to safety, knowing I could have tried to help in some way, but I wasn't there for them.
I carry the world around on my shoulders a lot, according to my mom, but I feel the pain of everyone around me, especially those I know and love. I feel Nesse's pain. I feel that young boy's pain. I did not even know Stephen Johns, but he was part of our Museum FAMILY and so I feel like I have lost a good friend. And I see the hate coming full circle, over and over again.
I wish with all my heart I could take their pain away. I wish I could save the world.
But I crumble at the mere thought of having a breast with cancer in it. I'm worthless to anyone else, because I can't even save myself.
---Becky
No comments:
Post a Comment