Actually, (and surprisingly), we seem to have most everything under control so far.
Ahhhh the best laid plans of mice and men!! Dont'cha just love it when you THINK you've got everything goin' on, and suddenly out of the blue---BAM!! something hits ya out of nowhere?! What did John Lennon once say? "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
So...being my typical PESSIMIST self, I'm just waiting for whatever fires I'll need to put out the week OF the wedding...there's always SOMETHING that snafu's, (especially in my crazy life), so I'm just expecting at least ONE thing to clusterf@#$k or totally flibberdejibbit, (that's my favorite word by the way, so if I'm ever on that show "The Actors Studio," that's what I would answer when they asked me that question). WHEN (not IF) that happens, I will be prepared with a "Plan B" that I'll simply pull out of the air and act as though I had it all smoothed out. Because half of getting through life is BS anyway, right?! Just nod and smile, and BS your way through it, that's MY motto.
So, right now I have some items on the list of things to do, but most of them are minor stuff. The programs have to be done ASAP though, since they will take the longest. I hope every human being invited to the place READS THE DARNED THINGS, because they really took a LONG time for me to make each one of them, from scratch!! They are rectangular "fans," that I made with those fat popsicle wooden sticks, poster board, fancy paper, ribbon, and a pocket on the front that has a card inside it. Lots of hot glue and numb fingertips went into those things!
We've got the landscaper coming...good thing too, he found some poison ivy in the middle of our yard...ahh yes, great fun...my dog sits there every day chewing on a stick. ARGHHHH. So far we've been lucky--we haven't gotten poison ivy while petting her though, and I am giving her another bath this weekend. (However, my mom's CHEW-WAH-WAH (who the hell knows how to spell that?!) dog, Radar, has been scratching at his gigantic willy lately---could it be all those times he's tried to hump my Sassy's leg?! Hmmmm...makes ya wonder).
Never a dull moment around here.
Anyway, I met with the dessert vendor yesterday and he brought his mother, whom I've never met before, but she saw some of the photos of things I've made for this shin-dig and said to me something that EVERYBODY has been saying to me lately: "You should do this stuff for a living." So, like a reactive bonehead, I am now contemplating the idea of becoming a wedding coordinator. (Am I nuts)?! I really don't know if I care to deal with high-maintenance mother-in-laws, or Mother-of the Bridezilla's, or vendors who are dickweed idiots, etc., because frankly, I'd probably go ballistic and get sued three ways from Tuesday every time I opened my mouth to tell them to STFU. (I really have no patience for people like that).
In fact, today, (here is an example of my lack of patience), as I rushed to try and get Florence to her psychologist's appointment, traffic sucked prickly hairy BALLS because of this glorious holiday coming up, (buncha slacker bums took the day OFF, just to clog up the highway, can you believe THAT)?! and when I FINALLY pulled into the driveway that leads to the parking garage, we were already 15 minutes LATE. (I hate being late for appointments, it makes me a nervous wreck).
But of course, it couldn't just be EASY to drive in, grab a ticket and park...oh noooo....there was a boneheaded moron in front of me, driving a big-ass Suburban truck, and she was on the PHIONE (which royally peeves me), but she apparently wasn't paying attention to the fact--and the big sign--that the entrance was only 6 feet, 3 inches tall, and her stupid Suburban is apparently 2 inches BIGGER than that, so she HIT the ceiling and got STUCK!!! GRRRRR!!!
So then she starts to back up, NOT SEEING ME, and I yelled, "HEY!!" to which the parking garage attendant came around and said, "Ma'am, can you please back up a little so she can get out?" And I looked behind me to see that there was another car sitting there, only about a foot away, so I said, "I can't!" But I tried to go back as far as I could without hitting that other dude. There was a whole line of cars behind me, some halfway in the street. That's as far as I could go, and she had plenty of room to back out.
As soon as the bonehead in the Suburban finally got UNstuck, (which she took her sweet time doing), and once she finally backed out, she actually had the CAHONES to put her fat ugly head out the window to YELL AT ME, "What the hell is wrong with you? Why couldn't you back up more? Are you RETARDED?!" Ohhhhhh my GAWD....that was absolutely the WRONG thing to say to me. If you think turning into Bridezilla is a bad thing, you should have been there...
My blood instantly boiled, and I yelled back at her, "HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE YOU STUPID BITCH AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE YOU'RE GOING---YOU ARE THE GODDAMNED RETARD!!!" And my middle finger went straight up to salute her.
My mom and Florence's jaws both hit the floor.
A few seconds later, my mom picked her jaw up off the floor and said, "Wow...You used to be so mild mannered, polite and quiet..." and I said with a big grin, "But then I grew up, moved to DC and got road rage." That hag in the Suburban was just lucky I didn't get out of the car to beat her fat ass, I was already annoyed at being late for the appointment, and she made us MORE late with her stupidity. But then, to have the audacity to yell at ME?! Oh noooo you don't. HELL no. Miss Becky don't play. I'll fuck you up.
Anyway, so between trying to keep everything straight with this wedding, planning the fun things to do on the honeymoon in San Francisco, remembering the items to pick up at the store, doing laundry, cleaning the house, making sure I have enough of everything for all the new invitees we've got coming (the dessert guy and his mom are both coming too...I swear we should start charging admission)!!, and all the other stuff I've been running around ragged to take care of, I never even gave a thought to what's going to happen AFTER the wedding is over.
So...my sister in Michigan (Tammy) wrote my mom and email asking what the heck she planned to do once the wedding was over. Pete and I hope that she'll stay here with us permanently, but we haven't even talked about it since she first moved in. So, my mom planned to be here while we're in SF, to take care of Florence. After that, she had originally figured she would be going back to Michigan. However, we've told her that we would love to have her stay here with us.
She's nervous about her benefits in Michigan, though, she's been waiting in limbo for over 2 years to get them to do anything---they are trying to determine if she still needs them---which she DOES, and her doctor has testified to that fact, so what's the problem?!---the PROBLEM is that Michigan SUCKS, they're BROKE, the place is like a friggin' GHOST TOWN full of unemployed, overweight, homeless people.
So my thought is if they haven't gotten to her case by now, usually (from my experience working for the federal government), they have things planned 2-3 months ahead...so if they haven't figured out what to do about her by NOW, she turns 62 in September and can go on Social Security and Medicaid, which are federal benefits, and she won't NEED the state benefits anymore. AND, if they DO contact her before September to determine from her doctor's information that she IS entitled to full benefits, they will have to pay her RETROACTIVELY for all this time they've been putzing around.....and of course, they don't want to do that. So my thought is, and Tammy agreed, they will probably sweep her under the proverbial rug just to get out of paying her all that money. So, come October, she'll be free and clear out from under the state's stupidity, and right smack dab in the middle of the federal government instead. (Frying pan--fire?) Who knows. Either way, getting old sucks.
So, she's been sitting here not sure of what to do, but we hope she'll stay with us and be with us permanently. I'm sure we'll talk about it more at the wedding when Tam is here with us, too.
Anyway, so that's the scoop from my world of poop.
Oh, I get my dress out from the alteration shop next Thursday, my hair colored the following Monday, my nails done that day too, and then I get ready for everyone to be here on Friday!!
We're going to hopefully have a bachelorette party (with out of town guests, male and female, and kids), to go to Dave & Buster's for some games on Friday night....and then Saturday we're having a manicure/pedicure party at the local salon from 10-12 noon.....then our rehearsal cookout dinner at our house from 12-4, and then we're all going to Kennywood from 5-10 p.m. to have some fun.
The reverend is also going to be there all day, so we'll meet up with him to have a real rehearsal. We're having a duet in the middle of our ceremony, they will sing "The Blessing" by the Celtic Women...a very pretty song...while our mom's light the unity candle.
I have also bought 64 wooden "Sentimental Hearts," that our mom's stained twice, which all of our guests will write with a silver Sharpie marker a word or words of sentiment on them. Then, they will be asked to bring the hearts to us, row by row. They'll stop in front of us, drop the heart into a basket that our Matron of Honor and Best Groom Buddy will be holding, and they will say the word or words out loud to us----instead of having a greeting line afterwards. (Smart, huh)?! I am all about time management. Let's just incorporate it, and get it done in a nice way, that people will enjoy and consider "unique." (Even though I borrowed the idea from a wedding I attended while at camp)! They used white rocks though. I think hearts are better.
We're all going to dance up and down the aisle on the way in and out, (probably a congo line on the way in, because we've not seen that on YouTube yet)...and the songs are: "Big Bad Handsome Man" by Imelda May, as the processional...and "Pencil full of Lead" by Paoulo Nutini as the recessional. Fun songs!!
And, of course, we're having a reverend who's Irish, and who will be wearing a KILT...and underneath his nice dress shirt, he has a t-shirt that says, "Go ahead and ask me what's under my kilt!" on it....Ohhhh yes, Ed's a very fun guy...we really like him a lot. We'll have a steel drum band playing before and after the ceremony, and a huge gorilla (Nathan) running around grabbing kids and tossing them in the pool. Should be a pretty wild wedding!! Florence said, "If you add anything else, it's going to turn into a 3 ring circus!" hehehehehe She's spunky for being 88 years old, ain't she?! Ya gotta love her!!!
Bye for now. Love, Becky
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