Yesterday, after a few weeks of these increasingly bad days causing her a lot of upset, it got so bad that even my mom (who is trained in home care and can handle almost anything), called ME to say "come home right now." Apparently, Florence had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed, and she was furious about EVERYTHING. So furious, in fact, that my mom had no way of calming her down. Usually she can change the subject, or make her laugh, or distract her if she starts spinning on something that causes her to become depressed. But, she couldn't this time.
Florence sometimes gets confused about Pete; some days he is her son, and other days he is her husband, and still other times he is her father. But, this time, he was her "cheating husband," (and we KNOW that her real husband, Raymond, never once cheated on her during their marriage). She was angry because he "married that other woman," (me), and "how DARE he do that to her!" So, my mom was trying to tell her that Pete is NOT her husband, but she would hear nothing of it. She also feels that her mother and sister just died recently, when in reality, it was almost 20 years ago. To her, it's real, and it's vivid, and it's just happened YESTERDAY, or "last week," or "a month ago."
We finally found out from a relative that when her mother died, it was unexpected. Florence had talked with her on Thursday night, telling her she'd be coming to visit her on Friday for the weekend. On Friday, she arrived only to find that "nobody had called her," (we aren't sure if that is true or not), but her mother had fallen Thursday night and hit her head, and was instantly in a coma. She never woke up from the coma, and finally Florence had to be the one to say "pull the plug." This is a memory that she has somehow repressed, a traumatic incident in her life that keeps replaying in her head over and over, because she has somehow forgotten that last part, where she "pulled the plug." We have not reminded her of this, but we have notified her psychologist about it, since she keeps bringing up the subject every time he sees her, and this helps him understand her better.
Alzheimers is an awful thing, and it makes us all feel so helpless to see her declining into the next stage of it, which includes some violent angry outbursts like this. We understand that it's partially her bipolar, which is like a roller coaster on any given day. But mixed with Alzheimer's, it's a double whammy that really throws us for a loop. We just don't know what to do. Some days, like today, she's perfectly fine, having a good day, coherent, not confused at all, just enjoying the day and having no problems. But, yesterday was another story.
We called her psychiatrist, and she told us that we should contact a crisis center, and they would come out to the house to evaluate her, to see if they would need to take her in to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. They did show up, and they did have concern, but it was discussed and decided that she would not need to go to the hospital---this time. But we were told to call the crisis place anytime that she is having anger outbursts...I mean, Florence is a very churchy, calm and self-controlled person (she had to be, in order to be an O.R. nurse), so she NEVER swears, she NEVER screams or yells, she NEVER loses her temper.....at least....in the 3 years I have known her, I've not seen that.
Pete, of course, grew up with her and has definitely seen these outbursts much more often than I have. And my poor mom, well, she's never seen it before. It was very overwhelming to her, so she called me, and suggested I come home right away. But we had a chiropractic appointment so we couldn't just take off for home until that was over. When we arrived, my mom was frazzled, and Florence was still angry and sitting in her bedroom watching t.v.
Pete also has this knack, a special know-how, of calming her down. So he went in and sat down, talking with her and getting her to calm down. Then the crisis people showed up, and asked her a lot of questions about her feelings, her mood, and the reasons why she had this upset. She started crying and just came up with all sorts of things out of nowhere, some of which weren't even real, and she got herself so mixed up, she just didn't have any explanation for any of it. So of course, we're sitting there and we're feeling helpless, and scared, but in the end, nobody wanted to see her going into some hospital (although she told my mother earlier that we should just put her in a hospital and leave her there). We will never do that, though.
So Florence had us all upset and frazzled. Pete told his boss and came home for the rest of the day to be with her, and he is now capable to work from home, so he's also stayed home today. Of course, the weather is a big factor today also, we've got a huge amount of snow and more on the way in the next few days---it's turning into wet snow, too, mixed with rain, so it's going to be slippery tomorrow I'm sure.
Well, some days are just better than others with an 89 year old person, no matter what. But the bipolar and the Alzheimer's really throws a wrench in the works. We're going to keep a close eye on her, and now she's taking a new medication that helps her calm down---she's been hearing voices nearly every evening as she tries to go to sleep, but there really ARE no voices anywhere near her bedroom, so it's really got us concerned. This medication is supposed to help get rid of those voices, and it's supposed to help her mood stay stable, along with the bipolar medication.
So far, today has been a good day. No complaints, no outbursts, no mention of yesterday, no sadness, no voices, no anger. We're lucky to have a nice, uneventful day. Those will become fewer as this disease progresses though. It's not going to be easy to deal with Alzheimer's. I want to learn as much about it as I can, so that I can prepare myself for what might come next.
Well, other than that, the year is going fairly well---Pete and I are getting ourselves and all our ducks in a row financially, so that we can make another offer on that house we love! He's been through a tough time after his 2nd marriage, dealing with a bankruptcy that has prevented us from being able to buy a house....but he's now finally paid all of it off, and our financial advisor is going to get it removed from his credit report! He's cleaning up both of our credit reports right now, actually, and since I'm a "first time home buyer," we are hoping that between the both of us, and that little extra boost, we might qualify for a mortgage loan soon.
The house, in the meantime, remains empty and for sale---but they just lowered the price by $10,000!! We're hoping that they will leave it on the market a few more months, until we're ready, but until it sells (either to us, or someone else), we are aggressively pursuing it with everything we've got, and Pete's been selling off some of his Apple stocks to gather a larger down payment in hopes that will also be a big help when it comes time to get a mortgage. In fact, Pete admitted that he's "already decorating" in his head, he wants to add a pot rack above the kitchen island--now this is huge, really, because he's never gotten "attached" to a house like this before! So we're really hoping things will work out in the next 6-8 weeks. Keep all fingers and toes crossed until further notice!!
That's the news for now...oh wait!! Pete is a grandpa again!! His daughter-in-law, Stephanie, just had a baby girl on January 10th! She's Lia Nicole, and she's adorable! We're excited to meet her soon! So that kinda makes the new year a little less bumpy for all of us.
My best buddy Laurie just told me that she has been diagnosed with Chron's Disease and she also has a nodule (lump) in her right lung that they are going to do a biopsy on soon. I don't think it'll be anything major, but she's feeling scared...I know how that feels...I had a lump in my breast last year, and it freaked me right out. But, mine was benign, and removed. I hope hers will be too. I love Laurie, but I want her to have an easier and better and happier year this time around than she did last year. I really do. She deserves so much more!
My mom is starting her new life, and is having fun so far, enjoying having a "paycheck" again, on a regular basis. She has settled in with her own t.v. and we just washed all of her clothes today so she can have more than a suitcase-full to wear. She's got a happy outlook on a new adventure so far, and we're glad to have her all moved in with us!!
Well, bye for now.
Love, Rebecca
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